The story of canned meats, as told by curator of this odd but intriguing site...

   Canned Hams & S P A M S

The Curator answers the question,
"Why do you collect cans of meat?"

I had gone to mima’s house to participate in 1990’s Christmas festivities. No sooner had I set down my luggage, than I spotted a tastelessly decorated holiday gift basket. As I tore through the red cellophane wrapping in anticipation of preparing a high cholesterol snack, my grandmothers’ shrill voice set me a fluster, "Youngster, if you’re hungry, you can have this." She thrust the wrinkly hand attached to her skinny little arthritic wrist into the basket and loaded me up with all of the non-perishables that the basket contained: cheeselogs, fruitcakes, & a canned ham. I shoved the mother lode into my suitcase, fearing, as a poverty stricken college student that I would have to actually eat that ham. Frankly, I was frightened, never having consumed anything requiring a key to open.

The next significant event in the history of the Potted Meat Collection occurred during the sweltering summer of 1992. I was heading into my last year of college. My pal Jeff Cornwell and I hopped in the car and sped towards our local white trash grocery mart in need of refreshment: Pabst Blue Ribbon and corndogs. My what a bonanza we found! An enormous bin of Armour Star Potted Meat Food Product stood before us. Its’ sign read, "4 for $1.00." "What is a potted meat food product?" I recall having wondered at the time. One hears of "cheese food products" and probably wonders how does a cheese food product differ from actual factual cheese? One must concurrently query the same of meats. How does a potted meat food product differ from real actual meat? I twisted the can to reveal the ingredients, and there it was, the magic ingredient: "partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue." This must be the distinction between cheese and cheese foods! I raced my cart maniacally through the grocery, chanting, "Partially defatted cooked pork fatty tissue." The words trip delightfully off the tongue; take a moment to say them aloud before reading on.

Jeff sported the quarter to purchase the Armour Star Potted Meat Food Product, observing how it elicited oodles of giddy joy. Arriving home, I remembered the ham looming in the pantry. Two years later, the unconsumed Plumrose Danish canned ham sat in my pantry betwixt the mint jelly and the garlic-n-herb jelly. Why do relatives always send strange jellies? I fetched the ham and displayed it with the potted meat food product on the bar. They made such a lovely pair. That holiday season, while traveling through the south, my college roommate, Kate, happened upon and gifted me with a can of Pork Brains with Milk Gravy. Two’s company, but three’s a collection.

In the spring of 1993 I viewed an expose on lifestyles of the bizarre and freaky, which featured one of my favorite filmmakers, John Waters. Mr. Waters’ eccentricities have led to his amassment of several curious novelties, one of his fans mailed him a jar of dirt from John Wayne Gacy's basement. I had bribery on the brain. I would bequeath him the collection as incentive to cast me in one of his films. It’s obvious now how naïve I was then. I actually thought I would be able to part with the collection. Never did I imagine I would form a sentimental attachment and sense of pride to a collection of canned meats, including seafood and poultry items. Several years later I found myself with over 100 cans of meat and a small role in the John Waters' film Cecil B. Demented, Mr. Waters and I never had an opportunity to discuss my collection.

What is the future for the Potted Meat Museum? The Potted Meat Museum is looking past the American grocery store shelf and into the realm of foreign & exotic meats. With the Haggis having taken 4 years to procure, these exotic meats have a very tempting appeal. The Museum is looking forward to adding a variety of canned snake and Spicy Goose Webs in the very near future.

Enjoy the Meats, the Curator

CLICK HERE to visit her site... :o)